I never realized how badly I felt until I started to do the work to feel better.
I close my eyes. I see circles of color popping into existence against the screens of my eyelids; growing, shrinking and disappearing just as quickly as they arrive. Are they purple? No, I guess they are either indigo or blue. What is indigo anyway? I do not recall ever having an indigo crayon in the box of 64 colors when I was in elementary school in northeastern Illinois in the latter half of the 1970s. What is it that these colors mean, if anything? I need to relax and stop analyzing so much. How am I going to do this? The door that you are looking for only appears if you truly cease searching for it. Focus on my breathing. Listen to the music and hear each individual note as it is played. Appreciate the silence between the notes – the nothingness and everythingness that sound comes from and disappears into…
How am I doing in yoga? Was it good or not? It is nice to achieve getting deeper into a pose, but what is essential is just to be. Since starting on March 16, 2023 at Piper Moon Yoga, yoga has increased my flexibility; by stretching and engaging my muscles, it has greatly decreased my lower back pain and discomfort. I am stronger and more balanced. However, the greatest value has been the quiet in my mind while practicing, the focus on the breath and the coordination between breath and movement. The transition from one pose to another represents the most important “pose” to me. But, I am thinking too much and need to return to my breath. Feel the air coming in and feel it going out. Count one breath, two breaths, three breaths…
This feels really blissful and peaceful. Oops, I just disrupted it. I had some difficult calls in the volleyball match that I refereed last night. My twin 15 year old daughters play high school and club volleyball, and I officiate it as well. It can be stressful. By utilizing breathing practices that I have learned through yoga, I have tools to manage and release the anxiety during and following the matches. I experience the feelings and then allow them to pass through me like a breath of wind. Movement of air, I need to focus on my breath again. It comes in and it goes out…
My breathing is very slow and shallow now. Working in Information Technology for 26 years, coupled with my perfectionism, has been a source of stress and anxiety. I ignored it, and slowly, changes in my body due to anxiety started to take their toll. Finally, it reached a point where I had hourly heart palpitations and felt continually like I had just slammed four espresso shots. I was stuck in perpetual flight or fight mode. Eventually, I became desperate. Luckily, there are people in the world, angels really, who are there to help you when you ask for it. Yoga has been a major part of that rescue. Yoga affects positive changes in the mind and body slowly over time, reversing the damage that has been done. One yoga session cannot suffice, but each yoga session counts. It is a consistent practice over time that matters most. While these are interesting thoughts, my mind has wandered. Return to the breath of life..
I choose to smile and to be happy. I am more aware of consciousness and of living in the present moment. I accept what happens and let it go. I realize that all is impermanent and will pass away, but our connection and empathy for each other is the most important thing in this life. There are feelings of joy and peace in my days and nights. Now, I hear a voice…
“Begin to deepen your breath, bringing some awareness back into your body.” It is Kim. Śavāsana is ending. I do not want it to end, but one cannot remain in it forever. But, I will carry it with me throughout the rest of the day, and I will feel good.
